I have been home for about a week. It's been a good week, but a weird one. It's funny, I hated blogging in the beginning of the year, but it has become such a habit now. I had all these thoughts in my head and wanted to share them. 

I have loved the time alone I have had this year. I have loved that I do not have to run on anyone else's schedule but mine. I have loved that I have been around my family. But I have missed my teammates more than I thought I would. I love that I have my space, but they are the only ones that totally get this past year. I don't have to explain anything to them because they were there. I realized how hard it is to explain this past year to people here. I don't know who to describe things in a way that they will get it. It is weird for me to pick up the phone and call my teammates, they have always just been right there. I have never had that type of relationship where we talked on the phone. 

I see things in a total new way. I watch people and see things I never noticed before. I feel like my eyes have been opened to so much this past year. But, then in some ways I feel like I know nothing about this country I call home. Family and friends talk about stuff from this year and I am clueless. It is such a weird place to be. 

These first steps back have been different than I expected. I feel kind of numb in some ways, like my emotions have not caught up yet. I do hate the question "what's next?" I know what's next sort of but it's hard to explain to people. I know that God has that next step planned and I waiting for that to be revealed. It has been weird to get a cell phone and car insurance and pay for things again. 

There is so much change and transition now, but I think about this year and it was filled with change and transition and the one constant was that God was always there through it all. He was always faithful in guiding me and showing my next step. I know that He is still with me and doing that same thing now that I am home. I am realizing how easy it can be to forget what God has done and shown me this year. I can put it in the box of that was on the race and not translate it into that is God in all things even in my everyday life back in America. 

I have peace, but a part of me is wondering when that peace is going to give way to anxiety and worry. One of the lessons I've truly learned this year is that God is so faithful and there truly is no need to worry. He has always had a plan for me and has never let me down, so why would he now? 

I am going to continue to walk in this peace and confidence in the Lord. I hope others find that as they transition home. 

11 months is coming to an end. At times I never thought it would come, but alas it is here. I am at final debrief with my whole squad. It is crazy to think about saying goodbye to everyone especially my team. This has been my family for the past 11 months. They have been my whole world and have walked through everything these past 11 months with me. I am ready for this year to be done with. It has been amazing and God has taught me so much, but this was never meant to be a way of life. However, I know it will be so weird when I am home and my team is not there. They have been a constant this year and I know I will miss them. I've never been very big on goodbyes. I should be an expert at it since I've had to do it my whole life, but I still just get numb and want to pull away. I'm not sure my team truly knows how much they mean to me. I don't think I could have grown so much this year without them. I would not have loved this year so much if I was not on Team Bling. I know that God ordained all of this. I know I needed each of my teammates for me to be the person I have grown into. It has been challenging, but so worth it this year to live in intensive community. God has used it to stretch and grow me in so many ways that never would have happened in a normal life setting. I will always treasure these past 11 months. 

I have been in Munich, Germany the past four days. This is a beautiful city that I have thoroughly enjoyed; but it is also a dark place spiritually. Our contact here is Robert and Bethany from Young Life Munich. They have been informing me about ministry here in Munich. Robert and Bethany have started Young Life college here. On Monday we went on a prayer walk around one of the universities here. Robert told me that the two universities here in Munich are very prestigious and that people from all over the world and definitely all over Germany come to study at the universities here. 

As I walked around the university, I sensed several things. The students are serious about studying. University is not about partying or getting away from home, but about gaining knowledge. As I stood by the entrance to one of the buildings I saw students hurrying to and from class and having discussions with each other. Everything is about what can be measured by our five senses, but unfortunately there is so much more in our world. These students are so wrapped up in gaining knowledge from books they are missing a true knowledge and wisdom that comes from God. There is no room for God in this city. You are silly and weak to look to God or have a relationship with Jesus. 

Students in school are taught about religion but it is more of a myth or past tradition that we do not really need now. I understand this type of thinking because it was how I thought most of my life. I was taught to rely on myself and what I could earn and learn on my own. There are generations of people being raised in a very secular manner. It has been going on here in Germany for a while and I have watched the United States head closer and closer to a post Christian way of life. 

It breaks my heart to see the emptiness that this causes. Education, materialism, success, etc are not enough for us. It is why there is always the next best thing, because we are not fulfilled by all of that. We need more, but we are too arrogant to recognize the need for a Savior; too arrogant to recognize that we are sinners who need help. It is not about being a good person because compared to Jesus we will never be a good person. We all lie, steal, cheat, hate, and slander. No one can deny this. We are imperfect, but God cared enough to let his Son die for our imperfections.   We just have to let go of the belief that we are the center of the world and we know all. I hate that there will be so many who miss it, so many who will be left out of Heaven because they were too late in recognizing the truth.

Sorry if this is a bit harsh. I had just finished reading a parable in the Bible about the ten virgins (Matthew 25:1-13). Five of them were wise and went to wait for their bridegroom with a lamp and oil and five were foolish and did not bring oil. When the bridegroom was coming and the five wise virgins had the oil to light their lamps, the five foolish asked them to share their oil. The five wise said no and for the five foolish to go buy some. While they were away the bridegroom invited the five wise virgins to the wedding banquet and shut the down. The five foolish virgins came too late and were left outside. Right now I am in a culture that is like the five foolish virgins. They have no concern for salvation, repentance, faith, grace, and holiness. However a time will come when Jesus will return and knowledge, conviction, the value of soul, and the need of a Savior will burst into the minds of men, but they will be too late. This saddens me so much that there are people who are missing it. I have lived a life without Christ and one with and I would never go back to without. Nothing completes us or fulfills us like a relationship with Jesus. 

Robert and Bethany are here in Munich to help those see now the need for a relationship with Jesus. They are beginning to stir up a spirituality among university students that has been missing. Please pray for them as they love and pour out their lives to the university students here. Pray that there will be an openness here that will begin to challenge the student's beliefs. 

Poland has been an incredible place for us the past four days. I wish I could stay longer. We have met incredible people and witnessed God work in amazing ways so far. God has truly set everything up for us on this trip. We had smooth travels from Kiev through L'viv to Krakow, Poland. Got to meet up with friends from mission to the world in L'viv. We had a really nice train to Krakow. We found out that we had a free place to stay in Krakow with a girl named Lee. Lee was amazing and we loved the time we had staying with her. It was filled with God stories and laughter. Jeremy is an independent missionary here in Krakow working with Compass International and he is the one who set everything up for us. This ministry does a coffee house, English classes, and brings American sports to Poland. Lee does the media for this ministry. I loved the time we had hanging out with both of them and encouraging each other. Krakow is a beautiful city that we got to explore some. I can't wait to come back again.

We went to Auschwitz one of the days. It was a sad learning experience. There was one part of the tour that hit me the hardest. We were in a room that had a whole room length case of human hair. It was the hair shaved off of the people killed in the gas chambers. This hair would be shipped to Germany to be used to make textiles, rugs, blankets, and clothing. Can you imagine wearing a murder victim's hair as your clothes? Our tour guide kept mentioning that the Germans made sure that they did not waste anything. It was heartbreaking to look at hundreds of kids shoes that were left from all the kids killed.   It was one thing to know about concentration camps and another to be at the location visualizing what happened. It is so hard to express what it was like being there. 

We encountered a unique ministry in Krakow. Some Americans came to Poland to open a cookie shop and use that has their ministry. Welcome to More than a Cookie, which has two locations in Krakow and gives a portion of their profits to missionaries and different ministries. They also offer cooking and baking classes. We met one of the founders, Stephen who shared his testimony with us. It is an incredible story of God's power.   Their cookies are amazing and taste like home. 

Our time in Ukraine is ending. This has been an incredible month for me. I hope you love the video. Next month is going to be different for us. Team Bling is going to be separated again. Kristen and Ashley are going with a newly formed team to Berlin to minister with Fire and Fragrance a prophetic worship ministry. They are both gifted singers and we are happy they are getting an opportunity to pursue their passion for worship. Blair, Liz, Kara, and I will be going to Krakow, Poland, Munich and Lam, Germany, and Prague, Czech Republic. Our goal this month is to connect with different ministries in the areas and help set up contacts for future world racers. We will be traveling a lot next month, but I am excited about going to the different countries. We will be meeting in Vienna, Austria for our final debrief. I can't believe the race is coming to an end. 

This month has been the best month of the year for me. I am amazed because I came into Kiev knowing next to nothing about Ukraine. I have loved living in the city and the ministries I've been involved with this month. I truly felt like this was my home for the month. The people are who I fell in love with the most.   I wanted to share some of their stories with you. 

Dema is 22 years old. We met him at English club. He is in university studying radio engineering. He is a freestyle swimmer for his university. He started walking with the Lord when he was 21 and has been attending his church since April. Dema agreed to be our translator at the ChildRescue center and help us get around. He has one of the purest hearts of anyone I know. He has given so much to us without asking or accepting anything for it. He fit right in helping out with the kids at the rescue center. 

Vlad is also a 16 year old at the center. He has been there for about a year and a half. At age 14, he attacked another person which landed him in jail for a year. He's parents disappeared sometime before he ended up in jail. He has two sisters in a center in another city. He found ChildRescue and committed to staying in their program. He became a Christian a year ago, and his life has been transformed by Christ and the center. From the moment I saw this boy I knew that he had a sweet spirit but also a story. I was thankful to our translators for allowing me to hear his story. 

Dara is an extraordinary girl we met at English club. We invited her over for lunch one afternoon and got to hear her story. She comes from a divorced family. She helped raise her sister. She start hanging out and drinking when she was 13 years old. She had some very bad vodka, which made her very sick one night. Through that experience she began to hear God's voice in her life. Her mom got her in a Christian English camp even though she was too young to attend. From that camp she got involved in her current church and English club and became a Christian.  The crazy thing about Dara is you would never guess she is only 16 years old. The English club is for university students and we just assumed she was one, not only by her looks but by her maturity. She has been a translator at the center and a huge help to us in getting info about leaving Kiev. She has given tours of her city that she loves. I know that God has great things planned for her. She already has big plans for her life. 

Ukraine has been one of my favorite months due mainly to the ministry we are working with. For the first time this year I've gotten to work with teenagers. We spend our afternoons and evenings at ChildRescue Center. This is a rehabilitation center for street children. In Ukraine, there are about 200,000 homeless children and children without parental care, spending most of their time on the streets.  About 20% of all Ukrainian street children live or move to Kiev, the nation's capital.   There is NO national or regional qualitative welfare system to protect children-in-crisis. 75% of children leaving Ukrainian orphanages end up in a lifestyle of prostitution, drugs, or commit suicide within two years of leaving the institution. Only 10% of parents whose children leave home actually look for the children who have run away. There are approximately 104,000 registered orphans in Ukraine. 40% of Ukrainian children drink alcohol on a regular basis. 

One the best things about the center is that their main goal is to remove children from the streets, and with God's love and care, to rehabilitate and reintegrate them back into biological or professionally trained (foster) families and help older children lead independent, socially acceptable lives.  They don't just want to put a band-aid on the problem but to actually come p with a solution. They also focus on the children individually. They try to meet the needs of the specific child instead of trying to fit the child into their program or system. ChildRescue has five different centers. The Day Center assists street children in urgent need of food, clothing, medical attention, shower & social/moral support.   The Medical Centerwhich provides not only medical care, but psychological and legal support as well. The center we have been working at is the Rehabilitation Center. The main goal of this Center is to prepare street children to live again with biological or professionally trained (foster) families and prepare older children for independent living.  Today, the Rehab Center houses 24 street children, aged 3 to18 years old, most of whom have been transferred from the Day Center. The other two centers are the Center of Family Care and the Independent Living Center for Rehabilitated Street Children. 

An organization like ChildRescue really hits my heart. They are doing the kind of work I would love to do. This program is one of the best I have ever seen. Each day I get to hang out with the amazing kids at the center. We play games, practice English, listen to music, and get to know each other. I love to see the kids faces light up when we get there. Through out this blog are pictures of the kids I've gotten to know. It has been hard to truly hear their stories because of the language barrier, but I have loved getting the little bit that I have gotten.  Seeing these kids each day brightens up my day. 

 

On the floor curled up against a pole. The words of challenge have been given..."What is your dream? Ask God to reveal your dreams to you." As the music plays I lay my dreams at God's feet. The tears begin to flow as I pray. My heart breaks in a way it never has before. I am completely overwhelmed by this desperation in my heart. My heart is pouring out for those I have never met, for the broken and hurting. I am shaking with sobs as I cry out to my Lord...

I have spent the last 7 years working with teenagers. Very soon after I became a Christian God put a love and a passion for teenagers in my heart. I knew I needed to share my story with them. I knew I was to help bring hope and love to them. I was a youth pastor for three years and a counselor to teenage girls for a year. I loved my work with teenagers, but by the time I came on the race I was burned out some. It is hard and frustrating work with teenagers and the victories are sometimes far and few in between especially in the year of counseling. 

About half way through the race I truly missed my teenagers. I have not really done any work with them this year. I was reminded how much I do love teenagers. How much I love discipling and counseling them. It was refreshing to be reminded of that love and calling. I knew that I would return to that work again when I got back home. But something incredible happened on that September evening in Romania at the Awakening conference. 

God broke my heart for teenagers. He broke it in a way I have never experienced before. As I prayed about my dreams and passions, God torn me apart. I became overwhelmed with a desperate need to bring healing and love to the broken teenagers in the U.S. so much so that I was sobbing for them. It was as if I could feel the brokenness and hopelessness in their hearts. It is not enough for me to just go home and counsel. I have a calling to bring Jesus to the teenagers out there. There is not healing and wholeness without Jesus. It is not enough to teach teens how to cope or improve their self-esteem. They need to be completely transformed by the power of Jesus and I truly think it is something they desperately need. It is not enough for me just to counsel, but I need to disciple, to lead, to love, to speak, to reach out to both small and large groups of teenagers. I cannot pray about this call without my eyes filling up with tears and my heart wrenching to be out there bringing Jesus to the youth of our country. 

Several times during the conference people got words from God about my work and calling with teenagers. God sealed in me my kingdom dream. So what does all of this look like when I get home from the race? I have no idea. I know that I will be seeking employment where I can minister to teenagers. I truly desire a place where I can counsel youth, disciple them, lead them on mission trips, speak out to them and generally pour my heart out on them. I want to be able to truly build deep relationships with teenagers. I want to overwhelm them with the love and power of Jesus. 

So, my prayer is that God will open this door for me. For those reading this I ask that you share with me any opportunities you may know of that may appear to line up with my heart. I have been amazed this year how God works through people connections. I have a strong desire to live in Colorado and minister there. This is something I have desired for several years, but God has not opened the door for it yet. I am completely open to going anywhere God calls me to go. Please pray that God will reveal to me place to live and minister when the race is finished. 

"You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:7,8

We have arrived....

After a 10 hour bus ride from Brasov, Romania to Moldova and a 17 hour train ride from Moldova to Kiev, Ukraine. Team Bling is spending month 10 in Kiev, Ukraine. Kiev is the capital of Ukraine. Bling is living in a 3-bedroom apartment with the Gentle Warriors the other all girl team. 14 women; one bathroom; can we say craziness. It is going to be interesting all us living together because our two teams are quite different. The language here is totally unreadable for us and not a lot of people speak English so it's been interesting trying to get around, but it seems there are a lot of American ministries here in Kiev. I'm loving having a metro system to get around on.